| Dearest Mom |
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09:40pm 04/12/2009 |
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CldBloodedReaper [8:21 P.M.]: Hi Momma HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:22 P.M.]: Hi Sweetie CldBloodedReaper [8:22 P.M.]: Are you ok? HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:22 P.M.]: how are you this evening? CldBloodedReaper [8:22 P.M.]: tooth ache and trying to build an online playlist HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:23 P.M.]: I am okay HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:23 P.M.]: took the saw down the hall to back bedroom and cut up part of that book case Larry had back there, made a fire is warmer now HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:24 P.M.]: but now have a mess needs swept up in back bedroom from the saw HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:24 P.M.]: was tooo cold outside and I did not want to go out CldBloodedReaper [8:24 P.M.]: LOLOL
CldBloodedReaper [8:24 P.M.]: Fire is warmer? CldBloodedReaper [8:24 P.M.]: you crack me up Mom CldBloodedReaper [8:24 P.M.]: We need to get you some wood out there HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:25 P.M.]: lol no, I made a fire, and it is warmer now HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:25 P.M.]: I was freezing before that CldBloodedReaper [8:25 P.M.]: Im glad you're warm now HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:25 P.M.]: Pat sent Jana to buy some of those firelogs for me, makes me nervous to sue them tho HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:25 P.M.]: I am glad to be warm too HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:26 P.M.]: oops use* CldBloodedReaper [8:26 P.M.]: just be careful, I been thinking about that a lot HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:26 P.M.]: they say on the box to not use them in this type of stove HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:26 P.M.]: <<am careful,. you know me, even tho Larry teases me about it CldBloodedReaper [8:26 P.M.]: wonder if you can cut one in half CldBloodedReaper [8:27 P.M.]: use it as a starter for bigger logs HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:27 P.M.]: I usually get a knife and chip off pieces to use as firestarters CldBloodedReaper [8:28 P.M.]: Oh good, can you use the bigger logs you have now? HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:29 P.M.]: lol, I bout used them all already HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:29 P.M.]: will have ti find wood out in the pasture or somewhere to cut up HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:29 P.M.]: I just have not gone looking for any yet CldBloodedReaper [8:30 P.M.]: Oh Mom, we'll have to get some CldBloodedReaper [8:30 P.M.]: they do sell some for like 3.00 a bundle at 7-11 CldBloodedReaper [8:31 P.M.]: we were using it like bbq wood, but its for fireplaces CldBloodedReaper [8:37 P.M.]: can you see me> HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:37 P.M.]: wb HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:37 P.M.]: I can now CldBloodedReaper [8:38 P.M.]: as a baby serena resembles me/ CldBloodedReaper [8:38 P.M.]: ? HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:38 P.M.]: she sure does HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:38 P.M.]: looks just like you did CldBloodedReaper [8:38 P.M.]: well, how could people have not loved me, LOL HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:39 P.M.]: we did and do love you HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:39 P.M.]: why did you think someone did not love you? CldBloodedReaper [8:39 P.M.]: well, I think my dad could have done a better job, lol HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:39 P.M.]: your dad is an ass CldBloodedReaper [8:40 P.M.]: with me it shouldnt have been about sex, the last thing he said to me in 2003 was that his friend at work had told him I was sexy and wanted to know how to get with me CldBloodedReaper [8:40 P.M.]: lol HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:40 P.M.]: ack!!! CldBloodedReaper [8:41 P.M.]: he references sex a lot and doesn't seem like he is thinking...I don't know, maybe he is really messed up HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:41 P.M.]: what time do you think yall might come out tomorrow? are you moving things then or in Sunday? HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:42 P.M.]: I don't think about your father a lot, he did his job and I got my babies, thats all that needed him for CldBloodedReaper [8:42 P.M.]: I have to wait for that lady with the storage unit to call me then after we go pay for that, I dont think theyre open sundays CldBloodedReaper [8:43 P.M.]: yeah, I was mad at him last night when I saw that he had tried to give Cris a trip to vegas and he had turned him down. He didn't once think to ask any of us other ones, because technically we arent his kids anymore HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:43 P.M.]: that's BS HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:44 P.M.]: you are too his kids, we were married whether the Phillipinos like it or not CldBloodedReaper [8:44 P.M.]: Im beginning to find out a lot about them and how we are really not welcome, he is pretending HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:45 P.M.]: I don't know, wonder if he knows what Areta said to you CldBloodedReaper [8:45 P.M.]: or what she keeps writing on her facebook HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:45 P.M.]: he might not know, maybe you should ask him why she thinks that CldBloodedReaper [8:46 P.M.]: Im documenting it all so they will all know the truth and when he is gone I will write the truth where everyone can see it CldBloodedReaper [8:46 P.M.]: he is ashamed of us,Mom HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:46 P.M.]: by then they will have all his money and be off to the next one CldBloodedReaper [8:46 P.M.]: Isaac is still packing stuff, lol HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:46 P.M.]: he has no reason to be shamed of yasll, he needs to be shamed of himself CldBloodedReaper [8:47 P.M.]: I wonder if she will take me off of her friends, because I will tell her the truth HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:47 P.M.]: I don't know HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:47 P.M.]: he knows what he has done and he knows it was not right, he is the one who bears the shame HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:48 P.M.]: not you, not your brothers CldBloodedReaper [8:48 P.M.]: I wonder if rape is a common thing among the filipinos and not a big deal HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:48 P.M.]: I don't think so, Vicky was a virgin when he married her HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:48 P.M.]: he did not give you the same option HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:48 P.M.]: he is a snake CldBloodedReaper [8:49 P.M.]: when they act like this, all it does is open old wounds HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:49 P.M.]: yup CldBloodedReaper [8:49 P.M.]: he wants me to forget he isn't doing that good of a job at it HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:49 P.M.]: <,will go to Aretas face book and type that Christopher beiong larrys oldest child is a lie HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:50 P.M.]: <<not scared HARLEYSDARLING2 [8:50 P.M.]: brb have to add water to pan on stove CldBloodedReaper [8:51 P.M.]: LOL, but how would you see it? She has ii blocked for only her friends HARLEYSDARLING2 signed off at 9:00 P.M.HARLEYSDARLING2 is offline and will receive your IMs when signing back in.
mood:  weird |
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| Memories |
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02:50pm 30/11/2009 |
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Anita sent you a message.
-------------------- (no subject)
You have always been D-doll to me. It's hard to think of you as Julia. Your Uncle Raymond never called you anything but D-doll and he thought you were beautiful. Now as I see you as a young lady I know how beautiful you really are. I talked on the IM with your Momma today for quite awhile. We are all stronger than we think we are. I am here for you and when the going gets tough I am only an e-mail away. I know what you are going through and I can tell you that I don't have the answers but I do have the love to help you through this. It sucks believe me but God's love and the love of your family will see you through this. I love your momma very much and I wish I was closer to help you out more than just with prayers, words, and love. Always remember when you need me I am here.
Love to you all Anita
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| Memories |
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02:36pm 30/11/2009 |
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Mom, tell me about Lake Spence and when we used to go stay in Peepaw's trailer? When yall were small, my Grandparents had a trailor in Robert Lee, Tx, close to Lake Spence. Your dad had bought a boat the Summer of 1975, we got divorced over that, but remarried within 6 months. I remember the first time we all went to the lake as a family, Patrick was still taking a bottle, we told him if he was old enough to go to the lake with all of us, he was old enough to throw the bottle in the trash and be a big boy. So we did not take any bottles, he never asked for one. The next year it was Larry's turn to be weaned and we did the same thing with him,he was not quite as agreeable to it as Pat had been but by the time we went home he did not ask for it anymore. We always went to the lake with Gary and Sheila, all the girls in one car and the guys in the other. One year, we went in their new car and you ALWAYS got car sick and you puked all over their new car, so the first day we were at Robert Lee, your dad spent cleaning their car out, lol. We have a pic somewhere of the first fish Patrick ever caught, he was about 18 months old and caught a minnow from the minnow bucket. One year, your father thought it would be a great idea to toss all 3 of you ( in life jackets ) off the side of the boat in the middle of the lake. You were screaming and terrified. Of course as soon as he did it, I jumped in the water to get you all out. I did not have my life jacket on and yall almost drowned me you were so scared. I was so mad at your father I could have shot him. Guess it was a good thing we did not bring any of his guns with us. He was always doing something or the other to one or all of you. After that yall could be playing in the water just off the bank, and if he walked into the water, yall got out and ran to me. Even then you knew who would take care of you right and who would try to scare you. When we would get to the trailor, yall would all get out of the car laughing and ready for a good time. the grown ups unloaded the cars and yall were all already playing in the dirt in front of the trailor. We would get it all the stuff unpacked and then head for the lake to see how the level was and ask about the fishing. Yall would play for a bit and then we'd go back to the trailor. It was usually late afternoon when we'd get there tho I think one time we got there after dark. Sheila and I would make dinner and we'd all play games until bedtime, then get up in the morning early and have breakfast and manage to piddle for the required 30 minutes before taking yall to the water to go swimming. We usually took a picnic lunch so we did not have to go back to the trailor at dinner time. After all day in the water, we were all ready to go back for baths and supper. Gary and daddy would get the boat unloaded at the dock, and we'd all go out in the boat off and on during the day, yall never went with him without me there. That made him pretty mad sometimes because I did not trust him with his own kids, but after what he had done to you before I had no reason to trust him and neither did yall. mood:  calm |
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02:35pm 30/11/2009 |
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Mom, can you tell me the stories of when I would dress up for halloween?
ayuh, I can tell you the stories.
when you were 5 years old and in first grade, you wanted to be an Indian Princess for Halloween. So my mom went and got leather look material, and trims and she made your dress. I went to Tandy leather and bought the kit to make your moccasins. Then I found out mom had gotten black material, so I had to go back and get black dye for the shoes. They were the first and only moccasins I have ever made. You helped me make them. The kit had all the parts and the leather lace to sew them with. It was not hard to do and we had a real good time making them. You did not take your money in time for the costume contest, so you did not get to be in the contest. I really think you would have won it tho. I gave you the money to give your teacher, but you either tried to give it to her and she was busy, or you forgot to give it to her until after lunch. You had a colorful feather in your hair and I had braided it into 2 long braids, you looked authentic and could have won easily. We also made costumes for your brothers, they were colorful clowns, and were adorable, lol. When you were in first grade you wanted to be a Bride. My mom went and got all this white material for the dress and found a pattern and got started sewing. You had to stand real still for her to get the hem right and you did a great job of it. You were not normally a kid who could stand still for very long at a time, but you really wanted her to make that dress and get it just right. Meantime, I went and bought netting for the veil. We took it to Bergren's Flower Shop over on East Grandview, and we chose all sorts of very colorful flowers to go on the head piece. You were so excited a couple of days later when we went back to pick it up, you wore the veil all the way home, lol. When we dressed you in your outfit and got the veil on you looked like a tiny princess. That was the year Kelly Cecil decided he wanted to marry you when yall grew up, lol. While mom was making your dress ( Larry had gotten me a sewing machine ) I was making costumes for your brothers. I used blue and red and green felt, they were dressed as BatMan and Robin that year. All 3 of you were precious. I wanted to be the best mom and make all these hand made things for yall, like my mom had done for me. mood:  calm |
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| Momma |
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07:56pm 29/11/2009 |
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CldBloodedReaper [5:25 P.M.]: I'm here :) HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:25 P.M.]: wb CldBloodedReaper [5:25 P.M.]: ty HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:25 P.M.]: get your boxes? CldBloodedReaper [5:25 P.M.]: We got some, but hardley anyone has them HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:26 P.M.]: evryone mailing packages HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:26 P.M.]: the country store will have boxes and a lot of them on tuesday CldBloodedReaper [5:26 P.M.]: yeah, did you get company? HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:26 P.M.]: when they get groceries in HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:26 P.M.]: ayuh, eddie is here HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:26 P.M.]: brought me some high dollar fancy cigarettes, lol HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:27 P.M.]: he says hi CldBloodedReaper [5:27 P.M.]: ok HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:28 P.M.]: is cold out huh? CldBloodedReaper [5:28 P.M.]: I tried to eat some of that pie I made and it was already soggy, I think the only thing that was salvageable was the meat HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:28 P.M.]: glad Larry cut firewood for me yesterday CldBloodedReaper [5:28 P.M.]: sure is, hope everyone is keeping warm HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:28 P.M.]: a meat pie? CldBloodedReaper [5:28 P.M.]: lol, no, the turkey and the ham HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:28 P.M.]: like a pot pie thing? CldBloodedReaper [5:29 P.M.]: just the meat in a ziplock bag in the fridge HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:29 P.M.]: ohhhh ok CldBloodedReaper [5:29 P.M.]: we're going to get the stuff off the walls and stuff and bring it out CldBloodedReaper [5:29 P.M.]: I hate moving HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:29 P.M.]: today or Tuesday? CldBloodedReaper [5:29 P.M.]: tuesday HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:29 P.M.]: Eddie wants to know if you want him to bring some boxes to my house for you to use CldBloodedReaper [5:30 P.M.]: if he can find any HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:30 P.M.]: he said he can get you some CldBloodedReaper [5:31 P.M.]: Anita Barnes commented on your status:
"You are in my thoughts and prayers. I love you D-Doll. " HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:32 P.M.]: awwwwww Anita is so sweet CldBloodedReaper [5:32 P.M.]: She really is HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:32 P.M.]: she is the only one who still calls you that CldBloodedReaper [5:32 P.M.]: I told her that, lol HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:32 P.M.]: and Dawn Marie still calls your brother Booger, lol CldBloodedReaper [5:32 P.M.]: at my age, not too many people left to love you CldBloodedReaper [5:32 P.M.]: lol HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:32 P.M.]: yup HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:33 P.M.]: brb CldBloodedReaper [5:33 P.M.]: ok HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:40 P.M.]: you're ghosting CldBloodedReaper [5:40 P.M.]: I didnt notice CldBloodedReaper [5:41 P.M.]: mustvegot kicked off again HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:41 P.M.]: LOL what are the gift tags for? CldBloodedReaper [5:41 P.M.]: they're christmasy, I thought you'd like them for your emails :) CldBloodedReaper [5:42 P.M.]: Are you warm? HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:42 P.M.]: Adam came over earlier with no socks, I found him some and then he went home, just came back, no socks, so I send him home to put on socks, my floors are just tooooo cold HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:42 P.M.]: is a tiny bit chilly in here, am warm tho, but still need socks on CldBloodedReaper [5:43 P.M.]: He needs to be wearing shoes, he better not let me catch him without shoes on HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:43 P.M.]: floors are COLD HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:43 P.M.]: he has shoes on, no socks HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:43 P.M.]: he is mad cause I made him go home for them CldBloodedReaper [5:43 P.M.]: Ooo CldBloodedReaper [5:43 P.M.]: lol, well he needs them on HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:44 P.M.]: he is back, crying says he sprained his ankle and it hurts HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:44 P.M.]: has socks on tho HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:44 P.M.]: < CldBloodedReaper [5:44 P.M.]: lol, he better get a little more tough HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:44 P.M.]: yup CldBloodedReaper [5:45 P.M.]: you still have company HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:45 P.M.]: nope HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:45 P.M.]: just Larry's boys CldBloodedReaper [5:45 P.M.]: behaving? HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:45 P.M.]: so far CldBloodedReaper [5:45 P.M.]: you feel ok? HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:45 P.M.]: they are gonna watch 101 dalmations HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:46 P.M.]: ayuh, am okay, just a bit tired, but that is an all time thing anymore HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:46 P.M.]: took out some pork chops for dinner, lol, now I don't want them CldBloodedReaper [5:46 P.M.]: yeah, I was telling isaac you'd probably sleep a lot, he was like, I noticed, lol CldBloodedReaper [5:46 P.M.]: you have to eat thouh HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:47 P.M.]: I get tired easy and those pills put me out most of the time HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:47 P.M.]: ayuh, I will eat after while HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:47 P.M.]: find something in there if it's just a sammich HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:47 P.M.]: might bake the chops and make a baked tater CldBloodedReaper [5:48 P.M.]: sounds good HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:48 P.M.]: maybe just PB&J HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:48 P.M.]: < HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:48 P.M.]: I promise to eat something tonight HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:49 P.M.]: oh I like the stat decorations, those are purty HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:49 P.M.]: state CldBloodedReaper [5:50 P.M.]: lol CldBloodedReaper [5:50 P.M.]: maybe your friends are from one of those places HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:50 P.M.]: probably, I have buddies from all over HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:50 P.M.]: willl look neat in my emails CldBloodedReaper [5:52 P.M.]: I hope I can get some energy behind my needs, lol, so I can get up and start doing what I need to do HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:52 P.M.]: was going to tell you toss the pie crusts and eat the fillings, lol CldBloodedReaper [5:52 P.M.]: it's kinda sour cause its the limade, lol HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:53 P.M.]: LOL ayuh, but is supposed to be sour, thats what makes it good HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:53 P.M.]: tangy CldBloodedReaper [5:53 P.M.]: well, the sweet crust makes up for it, lol HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:56 P.M.]: wb HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:56 P.M.]: I had soup and garlic bread for breakfast. lol CldBloodedReaper [5:57 P.M.]: for breakfast, yucky HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:57 P.M.]: was what was in there and easy to make HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:57 P.M.]: if I take too long making it, I don't want it anymore, lol CldBloodedReaper [5:58 P.M.]: well, its cause you are cooking on CldBloodedReaper [5:58 P.M.]: ly for you, I bet HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:58 P.M.]: I talked to Pat this morning, they are on their way to Austin again and will come home tomorrow HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:59 P.M.]: mighrt be HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:59 P.M.]: appetite is not so good anymore HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:59 P.M.]: he said they have had a nice time with Jana's people HARLEYSDARLING2 [5:59 P.M.]: I'm glad she got to see her dad CldBloodedReaper [6:00 P.M.]: yeah, he sounded like he was having a good time on the phone CldBloodedReaper [6:00 P.M.]: he wanted off so he could enjoy it, lol HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:00 P.M.]: LOL ok CldBloodedReaper [6:01 P.M.]: sorry, Im so tired my head isn't working CldBloodedReaper [6:01 P.M.]: lol HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:01 P.M.]: you need a short nap HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:01 P.M.]: will help with your energy lack HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:01 P.M.]: < CldBloodedReaper [6:02 P.M.]: did eddie say anything about anything HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:02 P.M.]: ayuh he did HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:02 P.M.]: said he is very sorry about all the things that happened and wants to see if yall can get past it somehow HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:02 P.M.]: told him he would have to talk to yall, I was not in charge of that stuff CldBloodedReaper [6:03 P.M.]: lol HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:03 P.M.]: s'not my job.........s'not my place CldBloodedReaper [6:03 P.M.]: snot, lol HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:03 P.M.]: LOL HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:03 P.M.]: < CldBloodedReaper [6:04 P.M.]: Mom ::shoves:: HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:04 P.M.]: lol CldBloodedReaper [6:04 P.M.]: well, trust is the hardest thing to earn HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:04 P.M.]: and easy to lose HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:04 P.M.]: extremely difficult to get back CldBloodedReaper [6:04 P.M.]: its easy to bad, its much harder to be good HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:04 P.M.]: yup HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:05 P.M.]: like I said I will let you call this one and I will stay out of it CldBloodedReaper [6:05 P.M.]: I just sent you an email Anita wrote me HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:05 P.M.]: kk brb CldBloodedReaper [6:06 P.M.]: shes gonna make me cry HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:13 P.M.]: HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:01 P.M.]: <,was a know it all brat back then and I was ALWAYS right, even when I wasn't. and no one could tell me other wise HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:13 P.M.]: brrrrrrrrrr, went out for wood, got cold and now back is hurting CldBloodedReaper [6:13 P.M.]: oh Mom HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:14 P.M.]: I should have had the boys bring it in before they left CldBloodedReaper [6:14 P.M.]: I used to be a holier than thou, I guess we learn, haha HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:14 P.M.]: didn't think about it HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:14 P.M.]: ayuh, we learn HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:15 P.M.]: brb gonna put chops in a pan and stick some bbq sauce on them, put a tater in the microwave...who knows, I might even eat them, lol CldBloodedReaper [6:17 P.M.]: Mmm, sounds good actually, I have been avoiding taking anything out since there was thanksgiving stuff in the fridge HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:22 P.M.]: I hear you, still have a lot to eat? HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:22 P.M.]: I should have brought some of it home, but was too lazy to make the effort, lol HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:22 P.M.]: sure was good, we are great cooks CldBloodedReaper [6:22 P.M.]: not that much, but there is stuffing CldBloodedReaper [6:22 P.M.]: yes we are, I wonder where we got it from? HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:22 P.M.]: lil miss Nancy is not getting away with not helping with the Christmas clean up HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:22 P.M.]: that was wrong CldBloodedReaper [6:23 P.M.]: she always does the same thing CldBloodedReaper [6:23 P.M.]: every time she sleeps over and when she lived here HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:23 P.M.]: not anymore CldBloodedReaper [6:23 P.M.]: I just figured I did it to you and I was getting it back, lol HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:23 P.M.]: she is grown and can help, it's not Joe's place to do it all HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:23 P.M.]: you helped at my mom's house HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:24 P.M.]: made my mom go sit down and all us girls cleaned, buys took out trash CldBloodedReaper [6:24 P.M.]: well, I was older I think, and I think I got asked to a few times, well, told that the cooks weren't the dishwashers, lol HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:24 P.M.]: boys HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:24 P.M.]: same rule still applies HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:25 P.M.]: next time she can help CldBloodedReaper [6:25 P.M.]: thats the way it usually always is. Joe is a lot like me CldBloodedReaper [6:25 P.M.]: he just wants to help CldBloodedReaper [6:25 P.M.]: and he CldBloodedReaper [6:25 P.M.]: s so quiet HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:25 P.M.]: well just because Joe is willing doesn't mean it should all be put on him CldBloodedReaper [6:25 P.M.]: Yep. He is a good son. HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:25 P.M.]: theres not on thing wrong with Nancy, no reason she should not help CldBloodedReaper [6:26 P.M.]: yep CldBloodedReaper [6:26 P.M.]: her kiddos make messes she needs to clean em up CldBloodedReaper [6:26 P.M.]: and she would get so mad if anyone ever said anything CldBloodedReaper [6:26 P.M.]: I remember she overheard Liz telling me that she was lazy when she went to her house HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:26 P.M.]: LOL I think Shara is wanting to do the next huge meal at her house, wwe can go home like she and Larry did CldBloodedReaper [6:27 P.M.]: lol HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:27 P.M.]: leave Nancy there to help Shara CldBloodedReaper [6:27 P.M.]: well, I dont know, depends on how you feel and whats going on at the time HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:27 P.M.]: true CldBloodedReaper [6:27 P.M.]: Christmas morning is for at home, I do remember that HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:27 P.M.]: might be in the hospital, you never know CldBloodedReaper [6:27 P.M.]: yep and I may be whereever you are HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:28 P.M.]: yup HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:28 P.M.]: all 3 of you might be, might be a weird Christmas CldBloodedReaper [6:28 P.M.]: yeah, but it will be ok though HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:28 P.M.]: I agree CldBloodedReaper [6:28 P.M.]: Ill be there for you. HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:29 P.M.]: I know you will HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:29 P.M.]: and I love you for that and a ziooion other reasons HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:29 P.M.]: zillion CldBloodedReaper [6:30 P.M.]: :) I love you too Momma HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:30 P.M.]: I know and that comforts me CldBloodedReaper [6:30 P.M.]: Is there anyhing you can think of that we will need? CldBloodedReaper [6:30 P.M.]: like, I dont know how many heaters you have HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:31 P.M.]: HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:24 P.M.]: need for when? for what? CldBloodedReaper [6:31 P.M.]: CldBloodedReaper [6:30 P.M.]: like, I dont know how many heaters you have CldBloodedReaper [6:31 P.M.]: what can we buy that will make you more comfortable HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:32 P.M.]: I have one electric one, two gas ones with no propane bottles, and the woodburning stove and my oven HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:33 P.M.]: I still need to get the rest of the windows covered, that will help it stay warmer, get some stuff for around the front door, to block the wind CldBloodedReaper [6:33 P.M.]: we shouldnt use the oven for heat though CldBloodedReaper [6:34 P.M.]: what goes around the front door> HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:34 P.M.]: ack CldBloodedReaper [6:34 P.M.]: haha HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:34 P.M.]: I can't think of the name of it HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:34 P.M.]: mind is blank HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:34 P.M.]: weather stripping HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:35 P.M.]: the thick one CldBloodedReaper [6:35 P.M.]: ok HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:35 P.M.]: and 1 x 4's to close the gap CldBloodedReaper [6:35 P.M.]: where does that come from/ CldBloodedReaper [6:36 P.M.]: am I still online? CldBloodedReaper [6:36 P.M.]: CldBloodedReaper [6:35 P.M.]: where does that come from/ HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:36 P.M.]: a new propane bottle would cost about $50, and the one I had that was stolen from Larrys belonged to grandpa bill HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:37 P.M.]: in front of wal mart or kent or 7-11 CldBloodedReaper [6:37 P.M.]: the wood? CldBloodedReaper [6:37 P.M.]: I mean for the door? CldBloodedReaper [6:38 P.M.]: and what size bottle do you need for that HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:38 P.M.]: hardware store CldBloodedReaper [6:38 P.M.]: Victoria Winbery Loveday commented on your status:
"amen...hate those artificial sweetners...met more than my share of them. " HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:38 P.M.]: small one, not sure of the size, just the little blue rhino ones all the store have HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:38 P.M.]: LOL artificial sweetners CldBloodedReaper [6:38 P.M.]: lol HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:38 P.M.]: what I live on CldBloodedReaper [6:38 P.M.]: was the best one CldBloodedReaper [6:39 P.M.]: joke I mean HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:39 P.M.]: ayuh HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:39 P.M.]: can probqably get all we need at cashway, I think it is cheapest, not sure tho, would have to ask your brothers CldBloodedReaper [6:40 P.M.]: ok CldBloodedReaper [6:40 P.M.]: gosh its cold HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:40 P.M.]: brb gotta turn the tater over HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:40 P.M.]: it is cold HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:40 P.M.]: brrrrrrrrrrrr HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:40 P.M.]: staying inside the house HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:40 P.M.]: hiding from the cold HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:40 P.M.]: brb CldBloodedReaper [6:41 P.M.]: eeeee....jesse gets hot easy so we are suffering the cold HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:45 P.M.]: bummer HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:45 P.M.]: jesse will have to stay in the room with no heater in it, lol HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:45 P.M.]: he be happy in there HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:45 P.M.]: polar bear kid CldBloodedReaper [6:45 P.M.]: I thought he was sleeping in the living room HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:45 P.M.]: where ever you want him to be CldBloodedReaper [6:46 P.M.]: You don't think we are going to let you stay in the room where the hole is in the ceiling, do you? HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:46 P.M.]: already causing enough fuss in your lifves, and am not gonna be difficult about this HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:47 P.M.]: was planning on it, might not even be here much with all the hospitals and drs and such CldBloodedReaper [6:47 P.M.]: I thought we were going to have you sleep in the front room, no wonder jesse thought that CldBloodedReaper [6:47 P.M.]: I want you to be as comfy as possible HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:47 P.M.]: need to pull that blanket down and put up some plastic on it CldBloodedReaper [6:48 P.M.]: we will HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:48 P.M.]: seal it a little batter and get plastic over the bedroom windows CldBloodedReaper [6:48 P.M.]: maybe it would suffice later for someone, but I dont think now CldBloodedReaper [6:49 P.M.]: oops HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:49 P.M.]: lol CldBloodedReaper [6:49 P.M.]: CldBloodedReaper [6:48 P.M.]: maybe it would suffice later for someone, but I dont think now CldBloodedReaper [6:49 P.M.]: I was typing away HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:49 P.M.]: LOL I know I saw that too HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:49 P.M.]: but you had not hit send HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:50 P.M.]: need masking tape tho, this duck tape I bought is not holding it well, need thumb tacks too CldBloodedReaper [6:50 P.M.]: yeah, the silver stuff? HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:50 P.M.]: need need need, am the neediest person I know HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:50 P.M.]: silver stuff is what I bough, need paper tape masking tape HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:51 P.M.]: I hate being so needy HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:51 P.M.]: annoys me CldBloodedReaper [6:51 P.M.]: I don't think you are HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:52 P.M.]: speaking of needing, I need a cup of coffee, brb CldBloodedReaper [6:52 P.M.]: lol ok HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:56 P.M.]: back CldBloodedReaper [6:56 P.M.]: wb HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:56 P.M.]: ty HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:57 P.M.]: had to check on my baked potato while i was in there, and then drop it on the floor, so had to wash it off HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:57 P.M.]: ugh CldBloodedReaper [6:57 P.M.]: lol CldBloodedReaper [6:57 P.M.]: well, see you need me there HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:58 P.M.]: that's what I said I am needy, lol HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:58 P.M.]: hmm AOL just stole my buddy list HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:58 P.M.]: oh well CldBloodedReaper [6:58 P.M.]: LOL, thats what happens when I get kicked off HARLEYSDARLING2 [6:59 P.M.]: might happen here too, I don't know they never did it before CldBloodedReaper [7:08 P.M.]: UUggghhh, I have to work tomorroq HARLEYSDARLING2 [7:31 P.M.]: brb HARLEYSDARLING2 [7:37 P.M.]: kk, am eating now, so you can stop fretting ok? CldBloodedReaper [7:39 P.M.]: You eating that potatoe HARLEYSDARLING2 [7:39 P.M.]: and the chop HARLEYSDARLING2 [7:39 P.M.]: am behaving CldBloodedReaper [7:39 P.M.]: :D
HARLEYSDARLING2 [7:39 P.M.]: lol HARLEYSDARLING2 [7:53 P.M.]: ok, ate the tater and most of the chop, am gonna do meds now and go to bed, amsuper sleepy HARLEYSDARLING2 [7:53 P.M.]: I love you darling CldBloodedReaper [7:53 P.M.]: ok Momma, Im thinking bout goin to bed too HARLEYSDARLING2 [7:53 P.M.]: in this weather is a real good idea HARLEYSDARLING2 [7:53 P.M.]: goodnight sweetie CldBloodedReaper [7:53 P.M.]: Goodnight Momma CldBloodedReaper [7:54 P.M.]: email me in the morning when youre up HARLEYSDARLING2 signed off at 7:54 P.M. HARLEYSDARLING2 is offline and will receive your IMs when signing back in.
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| I'm a Taurus |
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06:01pm 29/11/2009 |
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TAURUS - The Enduring One (April 20 - May 20 ) Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings that are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate.. Express themselves emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulge themselves often. Very generous.mood:  contemplative |
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| Dear Diary |
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02:07pm 29/11/2009 |
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How nice to find out that my Dad's wife doesn't see us as part of their family. I want all of my generations to know how we've been treated by these philipinos who are dirt poor till they come here to leach from white people. Someday she will learn the truth of what has happened to us. We went through a lot in our life and she has no right to treat us like our Father isn't our father. Pretending to be nice. I didn't go looking for my Dad, he came looking for me. This below is a picture of my brother. And Arita plainly tells everyone that he is my Dad's oldest. He is the fourth born to my Father from Rebecka Brindle, my ex-step mom and I can tell you, there are no other people more vindictive and serpant-like as these philipinos. Don't get me wrong, I love my other two brothers and I always will. They are my blood but I am tired of these other no bodies coming in holier than thou and trying to erase our past.
mood:  angry |
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| Dear Diary |
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01:16pm 29/11/2009 |
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I don't think the full reality of what is going to happen has hit me yet. I'm not completely comfortable moving out to the house again. I am going to try to make it as comfortable as I can. And as everyone knows, I am a creature of comfort. I am nervous about what Mom is going to have to go through and that I will have to be there to see it all. *deep breathe* I have to dig deep and find the strength that I know is there. We are strong women. I am learning all the time about the women in my family, and thank you God I am not the only one in my generation in my family surrounded by all these boys.
I am tired a lot, I can't decide if its from worry or from anxiety of whats to come. I want to spend more time with my granddaughters. I want my kids to be part of my life. And I guess, more than anything, I am wondering how long this will have to be for? Will it be for all of my mother's life? How long will we have her? How long will we have to live in that broken house? Will my children suffer? What if my brothers can't behave?
Family.....is so important. Need I say more? Just because you don't know them or can't see them or even know they exist, doesn't mean that someone related to you, somewhere out there, doesn't love you and want to know you.
Julia Brindle Cleaned up some stuff at Mom's, getting ready to move. I have to be optimistic.mood:  thankful |
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| Dear Diary |
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12:56pm 27/11/2009 |
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What a wonderful Thanksgiving Holiday. Mom and I stayed up till one a.m. making food on Wednesday and then we finished Thursday. We had a really good visit. Serena stayed the night and listened and cooed while we remisced, sharing stories and laughing. I am glad for this time with my Mom. It's a shame I missed three years. I should have not been so hard headed and realized family is more important than someone who is wishy washy and thinks they are more important than all people combined in the world. My tears and stress have been wasted. My energy has a new way to go. Will I never learn? I want to someday tell those people that try to tell me to butt out of my own kids' lives that they are wrong, and stupid and by the time they realize it ,it will be happening to them and not me. I am so glad my kids are older and there isn't anything I wouldnt give them if I had it to give. I wish people would butt out of my business and tend their own. Especially when thy don't have room to talk.
I had a full wonderful house. Everyone came, I got my kid fix and I got my friend and family fix, it was just wonderful! Shannon made this awesome fudge that I still can't find today and we had a lot of deserts and all the stuff we used to always make at Grandma's.
It wasn't as nice at Dad's. I guess Arita doesn't want us embarrassing her to her little phillipino family and friends. She didn't want us over for dinner at all, she wanted us over for lunch only. And I am to see my Dad only at Holidays and if he decides to come see me when Im at work. Isn't that nice. I am the only one who does come and she can't even be respectful in turn of my right to my father. Next year they can come to MY house.
Well, it's clear that Isaac is going to be hardheaded about me having to live with Mom until she is either better or better. I am needing to go to Mom's Dr. Appt. and hear what they are saying for myself. That way I am truly clear on it all. I will just have to put my foot down on certain things. I know Mom is set in her ways and everything but some things have to change and it will be for the better.
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Read 2 - Post - Add to Memories - Tell a Friend - Link
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| If you are a good parent, you worry |
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12:15pm 25/11/2009 |
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Is there a magic cutoff period when Offspring become accountable for their own actions? Is there a wonderful moment when parents can become detached spectators in The lives of their children and shrug, 'It's their life,' and feel nothing? When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital corridor waiting for doctors to put a few Stitches in my daughter's head. I asked, 'When do you stop worrying?' The nurse said, 'When they get out of the accident stage.' My Dad just smiled faintly and said nothing. When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little chair in a classroom and heard how one of my children talked incessantly, disrupted the class, and was headed for a career making license plates. As if to read my mind, a teacher said, 'Don't worry, they all go through this stage and then you can sit back, relax and enjoy them.' My dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.
When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime waiting for the phone to ring, the cars to come home, the front door to open. A friend said, 'they're trying to find themselves. Don't worry, in a few years, you can stop worrying. They'll be adults.' My dad just smiled faintly and said nothing. By the time I was 50, I was sick & tired of being vulnerable. I was still worrying over my children, but there was a new wrinkle. There was nothing I could do about it. My Dad just smiled faintly and said nothing. I continued to anguish over their failures, be tormented by their frustrations and absorbed in their disappointments.
My friends said that when my kids got married I could stop worrying and lead my own life. I wanted to believe that, but I was haunted by my dad's warm smile and his occasional, 'You look pale. Are you all right? Call me the minute you get home. Are You depressed about something?' Can it be that parents are sentenced to a lifetime of worry? Is concern for one another handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of human frailties and the fears of the unknown? Is concern a curse or is it a virtue that elevates us to the highest form of life? One of my children became quite irritable recently, saying to me, 'Where were you? I've been calling for 3 days, and no one answered I was worried.' I smiled a warm smile. The torch has been passed.
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| Dear Diary |
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11:09am 25/11/2009 |
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Wow, the ups and downs. I am still upset that my Mom is sick but I am relieved that Im going to be able to deal with it and our money problems may be getting smaller. At least for now. * cleansing sigh* I talked to my Mom last night and my Aunt Margaret called her and they talked for a long time. That's nice, she needs us all right now. I can't be the only one who is helping. I will call in reinforcements if I have to.
Dad came by yesterday. He looks happy and boy was he talkative, but when my dad and I start talking its hard to stop. We were made to be friends. I wish life had been different so neither of us would feel that thing holding us back just so....
I am thankfull that my children are all healthy and living. That my grandchildren are all happy and healthy and that we have hope.
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| Dear Diary |
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04:51pm 24/11/2009 |
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I am going to say this. Until further notice, you will have to forgive me, I am extremely moody. With everything that's going on I don't know whether I am going to yell or cry, but this is going to be a nice and peaceful Thanksgiving and I will be offended if those of my family, do not come, because of my mother.
Today we got really bad news. They have to have a pet scan done. They cannot get it funded through Ector County, we have to hope and pray that she can get the medicaid for people who suffer from Cancer to pay for it. If the caqncer is in her liver and she had the surgery they want her to have, she would die then. So, she thinks the Dr. has said she will have to live the rest of her life with a Colostomy bag ,which she is terrified of. http://www.petscaninfo.com/zportal/portals/pat/
*deep breath* I am under extreme stress. I see fear in my mother's eyes, and for a child, that is not easy. My little son is so worried for me. I was sobbing last night and he just had this so worried look. I am so scared what this is going to do to him. I guess we're just playing this by ear right now. She saw four oncologist specialists today. Must be something they want everyone to see, being as rare as it is. They came from the University in Dallas just to see it for themselves.
My brothers are both freaking out. I just don't know.......I am so lost.
I called my Aunt Margaret. I know Mom's going to be mad, but its her Aunt and they deserve the chance to be supportive for her.
This in emails today between us.
Luke 10:19
"Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you.
From: HARLEYSDARLING2@aol.com To: julia@insigniamgmt.com Sent: Tue, 24 Nov 2009 16:17:30 -0600 Subject: Re: Luke 10:19 Amen, thank you, I love all these scriptures, they lift me up. I am glad Dad Carter is alive, I really did think he had died or was possibly in an old folks home somewhere. Maybe he is just over in Mexico, he has a lot of business over there too. talk to you later, love you, mama From: julia [mailto:julia@insigniamgmt.com] To: HARLEYSDARLING2@aol.com Sent: Tue, 24 Nov 2009 16:22:40 -0600 Subject: Re: Luke 10:19
Mom, I love you so very much and we need every prayer of everyone that loves you here, including all family. Aunt Margaret is back working at the Santa Monica Apartments. The number there is 332-0182. I know there was some hard feelings, but we are family, all of us. And I know better than some how hard feelings can get in the way of loving your family. Like me and Patrick. But times like this we all have to pull together and hols each other close. We should all be family, we are not that many anymore that are close. We need each other. I love you Momma. mood:  depressed |
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| Dear Diary |
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10:03pm 23/11/2009 |
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Today, while at work, Mom called and told me that they told her to come into the Dr. tomorrow for more tests. I am really scared for her. Anyone that says anything negative about my Mom right now better watch what they say. I love her, no matter what she did. Family is more important than anyone else alive. I don't care what they've done.
IMs tonight with Mom;
Halfway through I broke down and couldn't stop crying. I feel very helpless. And my Mom CAN be nice, even though she has done wrong things in the past, and expect her family to come and buffer the pain and fear. Be very careful what you say abut my Mom right now. I am in a volitile emotional frame of mind.
CldBloodedReaper [9:03 P.M.]: Hi Momma HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:03 P.M.]: Hi Sweetheart HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:04 P.M.]: how's your tummy tonight? CldBloodedReaper [9:04 P.M.]: Im all naseaus after paying the bills, but I can't really complain :( CldBloodedReaper [9:04 P.M.]: How are you/ CldBloodedReaper [9:04 P.M.]: ? HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:04 P.M.]: I'm sorry hon HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:04 P.M.]: tired, lol hurting a little bit still CldBloodedReaper [9:05 P.M.]: I just get all bent out of shape...it's my mental thing HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:05 P.M.]: had to get up and eat dinner and check on what you did to them on CL, lol CldBloodedReaper [9:05 P.M.]: I never worried about money before when I was :sick: CldBloodedReaper [9:05 P.M.]: Oo, Im sorry I know it offended you. HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:05 P.M.]: YOU were not having to pay rent back then HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:05 P.M.]: <<am not fofended hon HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:05 P.M.]: -f
CldBloodedReaper [9:06 P.M.]: I probably wont have enough on my credit card, but I do have some cash for your visit if you can get larry to come by the hotel HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:06 P.M.]: I have some cash hon HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:07 P.M.]: member I did Sherry's house today CldBloodedReaper [9:07 P.M.]: Ive got plenty of TP for you too CldBloodedReaper [9:07 P.M.]: Were you needing anything else? HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:07 P.M.]: no HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:07 P.M.]: I'm good CldBloodedReaper [9:07 P.M.]: you're good on dishwashing liquid HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:07 P.M.]: yup CldBloodedReaper [9:07 P.M.]: I just worry, Im sorry CldBloodedReaper [9:07 P.M.]: I got you a present HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:07 P.M.]: lol I don't wash the dishes very often anymore CldBloodedReaper [9:07 P.M.]: I got patrick a shirt for $5 HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:08 P.M.]: cool CldBloodedReaper [9:08 P.M.]: I got you something you really really need HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:08 P.M.]: what sort of shirt? HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:08 P.M.]: oh? HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:08 P.M.]: your babies need presents not me hon CldBloodedReaper [9:08 P.M.]: I get them stuff every chance I get CldBloodedReaper [9:08 P.M.]: its like a tribal looking shirt, its white with gray accents CldBloodedReaper [9:08 P.M.]: it was on sale HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:09 P.M.]: he will like that CldBloodedReaper [9:09 P.M.]: maybe he will forgive me CldBloodedReaper [9:09 P.M.]: I don't want to make larry feel bad though HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:09 P.M.]: I love this little carafe you got me, on days when I don't have to go anywhere I fill it and put in the sweetner and the creamer, and I just love it CldBloodedReaper [9:10 P.M.]: :) I knew you would like it, you don't have to run and get something to drink all the time HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:10 P.M.]: amen CldBloodedReaper [9:11 P.M.]: even though Iknow its necessary, I hate feeling like this. He keeps telling me that he is starting at Jason's Deli CldBloodedReaper [9:11 P.M.]: I just want him to work CldBloodedReaper [9:12 P.M.]: I just told him a few minutes ago I don't want to pay another month of rent HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:12 P.M.]: what did he say? CldBloodedReaper [9:12 P.M.]: He just stared at me, then walked out to go do what I told him to HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:12 P.M.]: hmmmm CldBloodedReaper [9:12 P.M.]: he is in denial HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:12 P.M.]: did he say WHEN he starts at jasons? CldBloodedReaper [9:13 P.M.]: he has said he already knows we're going to have to move out there, he is just trying to delay the inevitable CldBloodedReaper [9:13 P.M.]: He is supposed to call Chance tomorrow and see when he starts HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:13 P.M.]: would be nice if it was doable huh? CldBloodedReaper [9:13 P.M.]: the owner has said that they want him working HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:14 P.M.]: <<would like to delay doing this cancer crap, lol CldBloodedReaper [9:14 P.M.]: he always waits till the last minute CldBloodedReaper [9:14 P.M.]: right CldBloodedReaper [9:14 P.M.]: I am wondering about the new tests HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:14 P.M.]: ayuh, me too HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:14 P.M.]: does not sound like a real fun day to me CldBloodedReaper [9:15 P.M.]: I just got home like 20 minutes ago, gosh I am tired. I wish I could go with you HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:15 P.M.]: I will be okay hon HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:16 P.M.]: sounds like you need an early night and some good rest CldBloodedReaper [9:16 P.M.]: I hope if I have a nervous breakdown that its very short lived HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:16 P.M.]: you think you might do that? CldBloodedReaper [9:17 P.M.]: I just feel stressed out, like I am going to sit in the floor and bawl for a while. If Isaac would just get with the program CldBloodedReaper [9:17 P.M.]: we have things we need to get done HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:17 P.M.]: <<used to be a good organizer, but so much anymore, wish I could help you more CldBloodedReaper [9:18 P.M.]: I keep thinking, once I get you over here to stay the night, we will figure it all out HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:19 P.M.]: I can't do what I need to do anymore, I can't get other people to do what I want them to anymore, no one lets me boss them around anymore CldBloodedReaper [9:19 P.M.]: I've mostly got how we're going to do most things figured out CldBloodedReaper [9:19 P.M.]: lol, Mom HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:19 P.M.]: well, they don't HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:19 P.M.]: I boss and they look at me and say ''''''yeah, right CldBloodedReaper [9:19 P.M.]: I wish I could ever get people to listen to me, but for some reason they always need to learn on their own HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:20 P.M.]: I know that feeling HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:20 P.M.]: wow winds is getting up out there, kicking booty HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:21 P.M.]: liable to blow all my leaves into the neoighbors yard CldBloodedReaper [9:21 P.M.]: lol, poor patrick HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:21 P.M.]: no, is blowing over towards Guthries house CldBloodedReaper [9:21 P.M.]: we are so country, lol HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:22 P.M.]: oh well, he will just think they are his, he has same kind of trees just smaller than mine are HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:22 P.M.]: Larry had Adam to stay home tonight HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:22 P.M.]: letting me rest CldBloodedReaper [9:22 P.M.]: you ok? HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:22 P.M.]: ayuh, was just in pain and real tired after sherrys house CldBloodedReaper [9:23 P.M.]: you have enough pain medication? CldBloodedReaper [9:24 P.M.]: you have enough pain medication? HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:24 P.M.]: yeah, I have enough to last awhile CldBloodedReaper [9:24 P.M.]: ok HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:24 P.M.]: the one I took earlier is making me sleepy CldBloodedReaper [9:24 P.M.]: Wanna know what I got you? :D HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:24 P.M.]: ayuh, but you said it is a gift HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:24 P.M.]: so I was not gonna ask, lol CldBloodedReaper [9:24 P.M.]: yeah, but its a need CldBloodedReaper [9:25 P.M.]: You know how bad I am at keeping secrets HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:25 P.M.]: hmmm, well I am as nosey as I ever was, lol CldBloodedReaper [9:25 P.M.]: I got you some red panties, some mauve panties, some white panties and some paisley panties CldBloodedReaper [9:25 P.M.]: cotton, but pretty HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:25 P.M.]: LOL woohoo!!! and you are right, I needed new drawers CldBloodedReaper [9:25 P.M.]: lol HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:25 P.M.]: new step0ins, lol HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:26 P.M.]: step-ins CldBloodedReaper [9:26 P.M.]: I was thinking what could I do...and I was like, I know for sure what she needs CldBloodedReaper [9:26 P.M.]: under the pants wear HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:26 P.M.]: yup CldBloodedReaper [9:26 P.M.]: I think you'll like em HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:26 P.M.]: <<has plenty of sabbath drawers, the holey kind CldBloodedReaper [9:27 P.M.]: oops, I got the purple not the mauve, lol HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:27 P.M.]: before all this crap, only one who saw my drawers was me CldBloodedReaper [9:27 P.M.]: lol HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:27 P.M.]: so it did not matter
HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:30 P.M.]: I guess one good thing about seeing the Dr tomorrow is I don't have to wait til dec to find out whats going on HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:30 P.M.]: ayuh, my HUGGY BUTT is a brat, lol CldBloodedReaper [9:30 P.M.]: that's why I don't think you need to be alone for that HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:30 P.M.]: I don't think there will be any surprises HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:30 P.M.]: I think we already know CldBloodedReaper [9:31 P.M.]: you need to write everything down, or at least tell them I might call and ask CldBloodedReaper [9:31 P.M.]: no, write it down HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:31 P.M.]: ok, lol I will write it down CldBloodedReaper [9:31 P.M.]: make larry write it down :( CldBloodedReaper [9:34 P.M.]: ztupid aol HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:34 P.M.]: larry was real quiet tonight, this is really eating at him hard, but he will not say so to me, maybe you can get him to talk to you, or maybe he might talk to pat. I know he probably needs to talk to one of you, then again, you and pat are not having an easy time with it either CldBloodedReaper [9:35 P.M.]: well, you're our Mom HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:35 P.M.]: LOL I just waited til you came back to his send HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:35 P.M.]: I know CldBloodedReaper [9:35 P.M.]: I can see it from both sides. I don' want nancy to cry about me ( I am starting to cry here) HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:35 P.M.]: I would not put any of you thru this If I did not have to HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:36 P.M.]: I am grateful tho, to have the 3 of you, I love you all so much and will need all of yall's help HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:36 P.M.]: I am glad I have you CldBloodedReaper [9:37 P.M.]: Me too :) HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:37 P.M.]: you and your brothers will make all the difference in how this turns out HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:38 P.M.]: :-D HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:38 P.M.]: I think I will go put my doggies to bed and maybe call you on the phone, this chair done got hard and mean HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:39 P.M.]: then again, looks like its your bathtime HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:39 P.M.]: I know you are tired CldBloodedReaper [9:39 P.M.]: one sec CldBloodedReaper [9:39 P.M.]: isaac called HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:39 P.M.]: kk HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:39 P.M.]: from downstairs? CldBloodedReaper [9:40 P.M.]: he went to buy something for Joe CldBloodedReaper [9:40 P.M.]: those cigar things HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:40 P.M.]: ohhhhhhhh, ok, is he alright? CldBloodedReaper [9:42 P.M.]: yeah, he's just calling to tell me he had to go to three different kents HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:42 P.M.]: hmmm, so he is out west now? HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:42 P.M.]: <<only know of 4 in Odessa CldBloodedReaper [9:43 P.M.]: he said he's only 3 minutes away HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:43 P.M.]: hmmm, ok CldBloodedReaper [9:43 P.M.]: he exagerates, though HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:43 P.M.]: I guess, kin to gramma sybil?? CldBloodedReaper [9:43 P.M.]: wow, I guess I really am tired....yeah I think he might be HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:44 P.M.]: lol kk, you go to bed, get some rest, I promise to call you tomorrow as soon as we leave the dr office CldBloodedReaper [9:44 P.M.]: I love you Mom...there is so much more I wish I could do HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:45 P.M.]: you are doing so much alreayd hon I could not ask you for anything else, you are a good daughter CldBloodedReaper [9:46 P.M.]: Im glad you are my Mom CldBloodedReaper [9:47 P.M.]: I am a hard headed daughter HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:48 P.M.]: HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:39 P.M.]: and God Blessed me when he gave you to me, Imma lucky and blessed mama, I would nt trade my kids for all the gold in the world CldBloodedReaper [9:48 P.M.]: I am a hard headed daughter HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:48 P.M.]: ayuh, you are, lol HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:48 P.M.]: <<hardheaded too HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:49 P.M.]: gonna go now hon and go lie down CldBloodedReaper [9:50 P.M.]: Ok Mom, sorry HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:50 P.M.]: chair is making behind tired and achey HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:50 P.M.]: I love you CldBloodedReaper [9:50 P.M.]: maybe they'll fix that tomorrow CldBloodedReaper [9:50 P.M.]: Mom, I love you too HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:51 P.M.]: (((((MY JULI))))) goodnight sweetie, get you some good rest and feel all better in the am CldBloodedReaper [9:52 P.M.]: (((momma))) Ill try to, please call me when you're done HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:52 P.M.]: I promise I will HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:52 P.M.]: love you CldBloodedReaper [9:52 P.M.]: I love you too, call me if you need me HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:53 P.M.]: I;ll call, I promise CldBloodedReaper [9:53 P.M.]: ok, good night Momma HARLEYSDARLING2 [9:53 P.M.]: goodnight HARLEYSDARLING2 signed off at 9:53 P.M.HARLEYSDARLING2 is offline and will receive your IMs when signing back in.mood:  depressed |
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| Dear Diary |
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06:57pm 21/11/2009 |
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Ok, I feel better today than previously. I miss a couple of my kids and my grandkids. *sigh* I can't wait till everyone comes for Thanksgiving and get to see them all, especially all the kids. I haven't even seen Bane in a while, geez, I need my kid fix!
Lesigh, I am doing an event tonight, ready to go home and claim my day off for my sanity.
mood:  tired music: Something of Johanathans |
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| Diary |
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11:14am 19/11/2009 |
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Yesterday, Isaac again made the threat he is leaving as soon as they sign off on him with probation. At this time I can't help but hate him. I can't even look at him, I don't want to be around him. If he leaves, good. I don't have to worry about what he thinks about my decisions. I am tired of having to deal with all of this by myself. I only wanted him to stand up and be a man. And I feel sorry for the next girl. And you know something else? He's not that much different than my exes. He lives on my dime, he smokes his dope on my dime, he eats on my dime and shits on my dime. See the problem here? What will I be losing? He can't fix cars, he bitches every time you ask him to do something and he doesn't DO much of ANYTHING. I'm tired already before Mom even starts going through this chemo crap. Im scared. I am frustrated I am tired I am to the point of a nervous breakdown and all Isaac worries about is Isaac. This is not a partner for living. This is someone who didn't learn anything from any lesson. Well, I don't care anymore. Don't expect me to care about it anymore. I am so tired of the bullshit. And that's all it is. And now I had to buy with the last money I had, those cigar things for Joe, when used to it lasted him two weeks, whoever he is loaning them to better pay him back. It's not like I am a millionare. And now a peice of my mom's TV is broken, what am I supposed to tell her? Fuck that, it goes back to the house this weekend. She is coming to stay anyway and she loaned it to me for Nancy sleeping over when Serena was born. I don't need to have to buy her a new one, so I need it back. Maybe someone will learn to take care of things.
Im having a real bad day. So I am moody and pissy. Live with it.mood:  angry |
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Read 1 - Post - Add to Memories - Tell a Friend - Link
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| Diary |
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02:21pm 18/11/2009 |
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Today is a hard day. Everything is starting to catch up to me. I feel no energy. I just want to lay down and cry for a few hours and I don't want Isaac anywhere near me. God please....not for me....for my family....please help.mood:  depressed music: Mariah Carey |
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| Dear Diary |
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10:21am 17/11/2009 |
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I pray every day. I just want my family to be healthy and ok and to thank God we've lived to see another day. I am worried about my Mom. THey took several scans of her bladder. I wonder if they think its metasticized. If it did it would be in stage 4. I am nervous because we go on the 8th next month to get the results and then assuming they start the radiation and chemo at that time. I am scared for her. I've been spending a lot of time with her, remembering things from before. She still has a pretty good memory. I got this email from her yesterday. I want to document everything that happens.
Hi Baby Girl, I am home now, I tried to call you, but got your voice mail. Everything went okay, the guy at the CT scan dept. said the Dr will have my results today. But I don't expect to hear from them until Dec 8th, at my next appointment. They had to put an IV in my arm for the dye, was not real crazy about that, but the guy was good and did not hurt me much. Am glad it is over til after the Holidays now anyway. Thank you for the gas money, I was right , Larry's car was dead on empty. With her being off for 2 days tho, over the week end, they have no money by Mondays until after she has time to work and make some tips. We forgot TP on the way home, but Larry bought me some when he went and got Shara from work.. How is your tooth today? Did those pills help any? Did you take any of them? Be careful with the Darvocet-n ones, please. Too much acetaminophen really can hurt you. Call me when you get time, I love you, Mama mood:  anxious music: None |
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| Dear Diary |
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10:16pm 15/11/2009 |
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Here is a memory that is not so pleasant. When I was 8 I was sexually molested by a Mexican man at my school, Cameron Elementary.
I was walking with my younger brother Patrick and my best friend Latrina Beachamp. There was a man squatting with his back to a wall on a wing of the school leading outside. He called us over and stared asking my friend questions. I interupted showing off the jeans my parents had gotten me for christmas, it had a Dallas Cowboys star on the pocket. My friend and brother walked off and the man told me he would take me to buy candy. Cliche', right? I am the poster child for "Don't take candy from strangers". He got me down the hall then told me to go into the bathroom. I started to go into the women's bathroom and by this time I knew something was wrong. He said no, go into the other bathroom. I could see it was the men's restroom for the staff. I tried to say no, but he urged me inside. He took me to the last stall and told me to lower my pants and lean over the toilet. He said we were going to do a brand new kind of excersize. I glanced back and saw underneath his pants were green shorts with a stripe down the side. He touched my butt and I really was panicking at this point, skaking and scared. Something warm went on my butt and he zipped up and went to get tissue, telling me to wipe it off. He then left through a side door. I quickly went to my class, for which I was already late. I was in 3rd grade. Another of my friends had told my teacher I had been carried off, making up things. So when I got there the teacher told me to go to the principals office. I was so scared that I was in trouble. I didn't tell them anything, I was so scared they were going to call my Dad.They had called the police and they questioned me. I was so scared I didnt really say what happened. Later that same night I finally told my Mom what happened. She called police and told them what I had told them. I could see she was fighting tears.
I am going to repeat what I am reading from an old newspaper articles my grandmother kept.
The first one she has marked July 21, 1982
Sexual Abuse trial Ends in Conviction Sheila Welsh Staff Writer
In less that 21 minutes today, a nine-man,three-woman District Court jury decided an El Paso Laborer was guilty of performing a deviate sexual act on an 8-year old Odessa girl. The jury was scheduled to sentence 24-year old Gregory Gonzales early today after finding him guilty of "sexual abuse of a child." The conviction carries a maximum of 20 years in prison. Although Gonzales was originally charged with the lesser offense of indecency with a child, he was indicted by Ector County Grand Jury on the sexual abuse charge. On May 18, Gonzales was indicted for using offers of candy to lure his victim to the restroom with intent to sexually abuse her. Gonzales's trial had been a brief one- it took prosecutors less than three hours Monday to present the state's case against Gonzales. Four of the state's witnesses were children less than age 10. The defendants court appointed attorneys Allan Stroder and Barry Hart, called no witnesses. Instead, defense efforts focused on keeping the jury incriminating statements Gonzales made to Odessa police officers a the time of his March 11 arrest. Stroder and Hart also attempted to convince the court that the victim, due to her "tender years" should not be allowed to testify. But retured District Court Judge C.V. Milburn overruled both defense objections. The victim, a Cameron Elementary School student who will enter fourth grade this fall, was the state's key witness. Milburn told the victim, and three other children who testified. "Remember. God will punish you if you do not tell the truth." Milburn said before each child testified. The pert 8-year old victim told jurors that Gonzales had first approached the children in the school's hallway. Although school officials initially reported that the children were first approached on the schools playground, testimony showed he met them in the school. Jurors listened solemnly as the child-using anatomically accurate dolls, manufactured specifically for use in the court by juveniles describing assaults-testified that Gonzaels then took her into a school restroom and sexually abused her.
Under questioning by Assistant District Attorney J.E. Weatherly, the victim detailed the incident as Gonzales carefully listened from his chair at the defense table, several yards away from the witness stand. Although the child's testimony was dotted with juvenile descriptions of the anatomy and details of her molestation by Gonzales, it paralleled he subst'ance of Gonzales's own version of the indcident given to police following his arrest. At the direction of Weatherly and Assistant District Attorney Ken Cowing Jr., that confession was read aloud to jurors by Odessa Police Detective Mike Davis. Gonzales told police he had gone to the school, Gonzalessaid he gone to the school on March 10 to ask for employment as a school janitor. While at the school, Gonzales said he stopped the victim, her 6-year old brother and an 8 year old girlfriend in a hallway. He said the children were reading a "Star Wars" book when he approached them. "I got aroused," Gonzales's statement read. He then recounted taking one of the girls into a restroom down the hall. Gonzales said he left the child in the bathroom and exited the building by a side door, according to the statement. He then filled out an employment application with the school system. The victim,her younger brother and two other young students all testified that Gonzales told them on Wednesday March 10, that he would return to the school with candy early the next day. Although school officials had learned of Gonzales presence on school property shortly after he left that Wednesday morning, officials did not learn of the molestation until later that night. The victim told her mother of the encounter Wednesday evening. At that point, according to the mother's testimony, school and police officials were contacted. When Gonzales returned to Cameron Elementary the following morning, he was arrested for trespassing on school property by Larry Speegle, cheif security officer for the Ector County Independant School District (He should have caught him on property and prevented what happened to me, not a very good campus cop, huh?) Speegle, a reserve Ector County Deputy who was employed by the Department of Public Safety for 16 years, testified that Gonzales was "Very cooperative." Detective Davis, who took Gonzales' statement at police headquarters, also testified that the defendant was cooperative. "He said he had done wrong......and he seemed ashamed." Davis said. Gonzales's confession was not introduced as evidence until the conclusion of admissibility arguments, which jurors were not allowed to hear. Gonzales's attorneys claimed that the confession had been obtained illegally, making it inadmissible as evidence. Police officials did admit, however, they questioned Gonzaels and took a statement from him before he appeared before a magistrate.
But police officers denied defense claims that they threatened Gonzales. Stroder and Hart had argued that Gonzales made the statement only because he feared he would be harmed by police officers if he refused. During admissibility arguments, Gonzales only testified on the circumstances surrounding the confession. He told the court that he believed he would be hurt- "that something would go wrong"- if he didn't confess to the crime. Gonzales also said that "things got emotional" during his first encounter with Police Officer Robert Clanton, the investigating officer who transported the suspect to jail :) "We both got emotional in the (principal's) office and said some prayers. I asked him (Clanton) to forgive me and I asked the Lord to forgive me," Gonzales testified. However, Milburn ruled that testimony had proved Gonzales was adequately advised of his constitutional rights. Milburn also ruled that no "threats of any consequence" were made against Gonzales.
The second one she has marked July 22, 1982
Sexual Abuse Verdict Nets 20- Year Term
By Sheila Welsh and Gary Treese Staff Writers ( newpaper?)
An El Paso man convicted Wednesday of sexually abusing a Cameron Elementary School student was given a maximum 20-year prison term by the same Distric Court jury that convicted him. Gregory Lawrence Gonzales,a 24-year-old "spot laborer" who had been in Odessa only two months before his arrest, had pleaded not guilty to the sexual abuse charge. The nine-man and three-woman jury in retired District Judge C.V. Milburn's court rejected defense pleas that Gonzales be sentanced to a lesser charge of "indecency with a child"
Jurors also rejected requests by Gonzales' court-appointed lawyers, Barry Hart and Allen Stroder, that their client be given less than the maximum sentence. In arguments to the jury, both attorneys stressed that Gonzales had "tried to be gentle with the child" and had not caused her physical injury. "This could have been a more aggravated offense....There are circumstances that could have been worse," Stroder told the jury. In response, assistant district attorney J.E.Weatherly argued strenuously for a maximum sentence. Crowling said the community must be able to enjoy "a relative spirit of safety and sanctity" in Odessa schools. "This is the type of individual we have in this courtroom today. A man who becomes aroused seeing three children reading a "Star Wars book....Send a message to the felon," Cowling asked jurors"We don't want this type in Odessa"
From the stand Monday, the victim, her younger brother and two other students at the Westside school identified Gonzales as he man who approached them with offers of candy on March 10, 2982. The victim's testimony that Gonzales took her into the restroom of the school was coroborated by testimony of two otehr children. The girl's recollections of her encounter with Gonzales coincides in most respects with a confession Gonzales gave Odessa Police following his arrest. After the jury-imposed sentence, Milburn polled each juror concerning trial coverage printed in the Tuesday edition of The Odessa American. Defense attorneys were concerned that information carried in the article concerning Gonzales might have been read by, or told to, jurors before they reached a verdict in the case.
Except in rare circumstances, jurors are not given information concerning a defendant's previous records during the guilt or innocence phase of a trial. Only when determining a sentence is a jury told of past criminal records. Although the jury was told by Milburn on several occassions not to read,listen to or watch any news accountsof the Gonzales case, Stroder and Hart asked that a jury poll be conducted.
All 12 jurors said theyhad no knowledge of the newspaper report.
I remember my Mom so mad and crying. She wanted to take a gun in the jail and kill him after asking him why me? She had to have my Uncle lock her purse up, with her gun in it. I was told I was the first little girl to ever use the court room dolls. In fact, there are still people who remember me just based on that fact. Also, I helped put away this man, who had already victimized other girls, some older than me, and tried to do it again the day after he got me. I am grateful to all the people who pulled together and helped convict this guy. Who is now nowhere to be found.
mood:  contemplative |
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| Dear Diary |
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11:49am 14/11/2009 |
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Wow, I can get real moody when I am not feeling good. Yesterday I battled with a toothache that just would not stop. Until my sweet son gave me some tylenol PMs to take. I took three and fell right to sleep. I had watched a movie called "Paranormal Activity" the day before yesterday and Joe wanted to watch it. Well, he did yesterday and it had the exact same effect on him. He teared up, his stomach tensed up and he had to force himself to remain seated to watch it. And goosebumps that just don't stop. I had the same problem. So he fell asleep...finally...and after being asleep for about an hour he got up and announced he was going to visit his brother and didn't feel like sleeping much. He is at home this morning asleep.
When I was a little girl I slept in a bedroom with my two brothers. Patrick and I in one bed and Larry in another. I would stay awake so long staring at the eyes that were staring at me from the corner of the bedroom. Mom said it was my imagination. I felt it...it didn't seem like my imagination. From an early age I saw things that no one else did. Felt things. You see, my parents didn't let us see scary movies and at that age I didn't feel like I was missing anything. My life was a scary movie. A lot of it has been lost to the memory of being a child, but some of it always remains.
The next thing I remember is living with my Aunt Gayla. They thought something was wrong with me and felt I was being hounded by demons. They told me stories of demons and of people seeing them. I could see faces staring out of the wall at me. Little did I know at age 12 that everyone could make out faces in wood panelled surfaces. Not just me.
I was forced to move to Oklahoma with my Grandma Marie shorty after. It was in Ardmore. Lone Grove was the closest place you could go to do shopping and in the winter we were snowed in.
Often I had an odd feeling of being watched and this is thr first time I would see the 'shadow figure'. Scared me so bad. I was at home alone, so I ran all the way to Uncle Carol's house and stayed with him a while.
The next episode I can remember is after I had ran away to Mexico when I was 15 with my ex husband. We had had a kitten we named chispita, for rain drop. She had been long gone before this night. We had a gunny sack full of wood peices for making a fire in the room next to the bedroom. ( we had two rooms, no bathroom,no kitchen, just two small rooms we kept separated with a curtain) One night we heard this crashing sound and when we went to check the wood had been scatter all over that room, there was no one there, the door was still locked and suddenly chispita bounced by and through to the bedroom, when we looked, she was no longer there.
Next came when I was pregnant with my daughter, we had just moved back from Mexico and my then husband had gotten a job where he had to leave early in the morning while it was still dark. Because I have always feared loneliness and the dark I would move myself into the living room and lay down on the couch. Many times when I did that I would be awoken by someone shaking my foot or my pillow, upon waking no one was there. I sleep with the TV on and I sleep with my feet covered.
Next would be when my children were very young, we lived in the village place apartments. I was sitting on the couch on night reading a book waiting for the kids Dad to get there and the kids were watching TV in their bedroom. All of a sudden the light blinked off. I got up and walked to the light switch and it was in the "off" position. I flipped it back on and the light came back on.
The same apartment; I was walking through the kitchen and the shade over the light came crashing down at my feet.
In the middle of the night we would hear a sound like a plastic cup was hitting the floor with the open end. The whole apartment was linoleum.
I slept in the middle bedroom where we had put an old twin size bed and as I fell asleep I could feel and hear a knocking under the bed on the wood slats.
When we moved into a trailer house we had bought and Jesse was a baby we slept Jesse beside me on the floor in his car seat, His Dad beside me on the bed and myself in one room with the door shut to keep the heat in from the tiny heater that sat on my vanity table. The other children slept in the other bedroom with the door shut with their own heater. I woke up out of a deep sleep and could see nothing but darkness, my then husband had turned the light off. I listened very carefully for the baby or whatever had made that sound. I could hear him breathing but nothing else. All of a sudden I saw the little orange light on the front of the heater go up, disappear and then a thud as it landed on the floor. I was so scared I jumped up, turned on the light and there it was. On the floor, it had flipped and landed perfectly, still facing the bed. There was no one there.
I have, on many occassions felt watched. I am cautious of saying that because I know how electrical currents can make you feel that way, paranoid. In my now townhome I sometimes feel watched. I have left the bathroom door open to my bedroom and saw my poof scrubber come flying out of the bath tub. I have heard strange things bumping just after I close the door. And many many of us have been tripped down the stairs. Just yesterday morning about 4 a.m. I heard crinkling paper,moving sounds and little bumps. We have no animals at this time and everyone was asleep. The TV was very very low so I couldnt hear it. I don't really think I want to know what it was.
mood:  contemplative |
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| Dear Diary |
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02:55pm 12/11/2009 |
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We went to the Dr this morning. Her appointment was at 9:30 but it was after 11 when she got to see a Dr. Thanking God above that the oncologist was there also. Blessings may not always seem like blessings if you can't tell. But I saw this one. We are lucky. The only thing is she thought it is stage 2 vaginal cancer, which in itself is rare, but the place it was in is even rarer, almost never seen. We have some hope. It is going to require some chemo, no surgery, they said. Maybe radiation. We go the 16th for the cat scans and then the results of everything will be back in in two weeks. The appointment is on the 8th of December. This is important for my descendants to know about. I am thinking its time for me to get myself checked out too. Not that there is anything at this time that we could do. No money.
Larry was there the whole way and Patrick almost ran the minutes out of my phone texting me.
This is a journey that has to be made. We are just at the beginning. Some peoples lives fall apart from this type of thing.
It would be nice if Michael would come to dinner. Does he think I will poison him? haha.
Ok, well, more later. God Bless.mood:  calm music: New songs of 2009 |
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| December 2009 |
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